What a Scream...

So after a long stress filled year and taking time away from my typical regimented routine care and appointments, I have found it somewhat difficult to get back into the swing of things as far as maintaining doctors’ appointments, etc. I find myself longing for some taste of normal and felt I was so close to that prior to kicking up all the new symptoms from the overload of stress.

There are two voices, one is telling me how important it is to get back on track and that I will be that much closer to being able to eliminate much of my protocol and the other is telling me to go rogue, be free so to speak. But I’m certain reason stands somewhere in between.

I find myself wondering if I could ever be fortunate enough to know what normal feels like ever again and if I’m not, then what am I doing all this for? I know enough at this point that I could do a fairly good job at maintaining reasonably good health on my own, but it is when the major hiccups come along that I must rely on my very capable and wonderful practitioners. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so eternally grateful for all of them, but there is part of me that wishes I never had to talk with them again at least about my health and how I’m doing. This gives me serious insight into how I know my clients must feel at times and I’m incredibly empathetic.

Would it kill me to stop my appointments, no, but over time I would likely wind up in a state that would set me back further than I’d ever be able to imagine. I don’t want that either.

It is inevitable that there will be times during chronic illness where you’ll feel like you want to escape, but that you will realize that there is no escape… And then you have to figure out how to move on.

In all the self-care that I’ve learned over the years, I’ve found scream therapy to be extremely helpful. It sounds strange, but this is something I typically do when I’m in my car. I cannot do this at home or my poor dog would freak out. The car is a great place because if you are like me it is the only place where I don’t feel inhibited to scream as loud as I can. F you have children, they can scream with you. I always feel better after a good scream and I always imagine all the things I am frustrated or angry about when I scream and then I let them go. It is a huge relief and I cannot explain it but if you’ve never tried it, give it a shot.