Thursday, December 31, 2015

Reflecting vs Resolutions



This is a great time of year to reflect on the year. As most of you know I'm not much of a resolutions kind of gal. I've always felt if something needs to change, then change it. I'm not waiting for the new year. That said, I do take this time to see how far I've come on my journey over the past year and I have things in mind that I know I will do to move the journey forward in the coming year. It is a look in the rear view mirror  so to speak and I do try to visualize what I want or hope for for myself, my family and the world around us in the coming year. It has been a year full of big accomplishments in my household and I don't look at myself as an overachiever or perfectionist, but there were big rocks that had to be moved in order to make it to the next phase of my journey and I knew going into this year that I would experience a fair amount of stress though I never lost sight of the goals and I cannot help but feel like it all came together near the end of the year tied up in one big pretty bow. It isn't often I feel that way at the new year... it usually feels like a big mess, so I will savor this one for sure... and yet there were items that were lower on the priority list that will get pushed to next year and I'm really ok with that. Many people experience anxiety or anticipation around the coming year with undue pressure that they put on themselves. This is something I find to be counterproductive and I personally don't set goals for myself that are unrealistic. They sometimes may seem like a bit of a stretch, but not unrealistic by any means.

My Christmas gift to myself is acceptance, not just of myself, but of others and of situations or circumstances. There will always be work to be done, but I feel that acceptance is a great way to be in the moment. My second gift is learning to roll with the punches (This is not a new gift, but one I'm constantly honing). Though I've always been fairly adept at accepting change, I feel I am much more at peace when change takes place now and I feel as though the year in the "rear view" or in retrospect was a big lesson in experiencing peace along with major changes, which makes it soooo much easier to embrace and get on with life. I'm still working through the last exercise from my previous post about how we reflect/project our feelings onto others or onto objects, so I don't have an update other than the continuation has been just as impactful. I feel lighter about life and like I have room for whatever the coming year will bring. This is a good place to be and I'm thankful for that.

I'm proud of my family and friends as I've seen so many of them achieve growth personally and professionally that has been impactful in a positive way in their lives and in mine. They may not realize it, but I want to be the one to acknowledge them.

May the coming year reveal great opportunities as it unravels its seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months! I wish you success with all the coming challenges the new year will bring and my hope is that you will be gentle with yourself in this fast paced and sometimes crazy world we live in.  My wish for my readers is for peace, love and joy! Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Perfectly Un-Perfect



So I hope it was a good holiday for all. I really enjoyed the holiday it was very low key, which was perfect and I have so much to be grateful for. I’m grateful that I still learn new things that open my eyes to other possibilities…. This of course is among so much more that I’m grateful for (my husband, my family, friends, my dog, a roof over my head, food on my table, a good job, a full/rich life…). 

I was recently asked by my therapist to take part in an exercise based on some of my frustrations in a recent session with her. She asked me to use words that described how I felt about money (one of my frustrations). When she read the list back to me they had the words, “I am…” before them. Anything/anyone can be a reflection of who we are. When hearing the list my first thought was that it sounded like my mother. Anyone who knows me well, knows that my relationship with my mother is very estranged and very non-existent, so this is not a complement. I vowed long ago to never be like her.

This exercise had quite a powerful effect on me. Over the next few weeks as I sat with these words reflecting at me. I was to not only write about any push back that my mind gave in regard to the words, but I was also to ask someone that I trusted to tell me the truth about if they viewed me as being this particular list of words and what I discovered is that I was more likely this way to myself, but not to others. What it made me realize is that I needed to do a better job finding a way to like myself and to treat myself gently and kindly. After sitting with these words for a few weeks I realized that, yes, sometimes I am these things, but not always and that is okay… it is part of accepting me for me. At times we can all be a little ugly to ourselves and maybe to others as well. We are all perfectly un-perfect.

In the same day that I did this exercise, the words kept eating at me and I broke down in tears not understanding why this reflection was revealed, but I knew that I would do whatever work I needed to in order to improve not only my relationship with myself, but also with money and as a result with others who are in my life or that I come in contact with.  The work may be difficult and painful, but I know this work can be so rewarding. So far this tiny, seemingly simple exercise has been transformitive, and yet it is incomplete. I will learn next steps in the next session. It is time to be brave, strong and to face the demons whatever they may be. I must say that I do feel more at peace with myself already. I’m ready to face the challenges that life brings and for this I’m grateful.

What are your demons? Are you afraid to face them? Do you project your emotions, feeling and thoughts on to others?